Prayer

     Prayer is one of the disciplines that seems to come to mind right away for most Christians. We realize that it is essential for us to both pray and read our Bibles on a regular basis. According to Foster in his book Celebration of Discipline "Of all the Spiritual Disciplines prayer is the most central because it ushers us into perpetual communion with the Father." And it is through this communion that He changes us. "In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God's thoughts after him: to desire the things he desires, to love the things he loves, to will the things he wills."

     All of the above made perfect sense to me and was what I have believed about prayer my whole life put into words. However what surprised me was when I read that "real prayer is something we learn". My whole life I believed that prayer was just speaking to God from your heart because God knows your thoughts and so nothing you say is new to Him. Not only this but then Foster goes on to explain that "let thy will be done" a phrase so commonly used in prayer today is not something Jesus taught about prayer. Jesus and His disciples prayed with conviction as if they already knew that it was the will of God. Jesus was God so it does not surprise me that he knew God's will. The disciples however were so filled with God's spirit and in such communion with God that they knew that when they prayed for someone's healing that they would be healed and thus they prayed with such conviction.

    I have never been able to pray like this. I know that my heart is not beating the same as God's and thus I feel that for me it is very important to pray "thy will be done" because I do not know His will in my life or in the lives of those around me. How could I speak with conviction about someone being healing by God when I do not know that God will choose to heal them? I suppose this means that I need to continue to learn about prayer and how to be in close communion with God. To continue praying that He will show His will to me so that I can eventually or occasionally pray the kind of prayers that are confident, where I am assured that what I am asking for is not because of what I wish or will but that it is truly the will of God for that person or situation. 

   This will not be an easy or fast journey so I have decided to start by taking small steps. After thinking about the role of prayer in my life, I decided that this week I needed to find time each day where I am being intentional about praying. Throughout my life I have prayed over my meals, when I hear news of someone falling ill or who is in a bad situation, in church, in chapel, out loud while I drive in my car, but for the most part I have relied on very short and sweet prayers sent to God over the course of the day. It has been more like texting God little thank you's and I need help's instead of having longer and more meaningful conversations with Him. I don't believe that I have been wrong in what I have done, I believe that my little texting prayers have helped me to remember that no matter where I go He is with me and I can always send him little messages of thanks and remember that He is in control and can help me and ask him for help in every situation because without Him I cannot do anything. Thus it is not that I need to stop praying the way I have over the years, what need to happen is that I need to start having longer conversations with God on a daily basis as well. Prayers where I not only pray about my personal life but also about anyone who comes to mind. A full 5-15 minute prayers where I can allow Him to guide my prayers. This is what I intended to begin this past week.

    For the most part I failed and stuck to my usual prayer methods. However a couple of days I did manage to spend a longer time in prayer where it was more of a conversation. In fact the best time of prayer I have had this past week was actually not due to reading this chapter. In a conversation I had with a very good friend I opened up about something that has been bothering me for the past years, the fact I have been unable to feel God's presence clearly for the past few years. This is something I will expound on in my Spiritual Autobiography which I will post next week. This topic was so close to my heart that I immediately began to cry, while I was still like this and thinking about it I sat in my room on the floor and poured out my heart to God, I questioned Him and I also promised that even though I could not feel Him that I would continue to be faithful to Him. I don't know that I necessarily even felt His presence then, but I do know that afterwards I felt peace which I believe was God's way of speaking to me in an answer to my pleas. 

     Then last night I was also able to have a prayer of intercession. I simply closed my eyes and began praying for whoever my mind thought of. I do believe that God was guiding this prayer because the people that came to my mind were not necessarily people that I think about very often. I was able to pray with a confidence that God was listening and that He wanted me to pray for these people, however not necessarily to the extent that I knew God would answer the specific prayers for them the way I hoped He would. 

    Prayer truly is something that I need to continue working on. In fact it is something I need to try and do better every day of my life. I believe that the more I learn about prayer and the better I get at prayer the closer I will come to God's heart and His will not only in my life but in the lives of everyone else. I want to become a great prayer warrior and be able to make a difference in this world for Christ's sake.