Confessing

   This week the discipline I have been dwelling on is that of confession. For the most part when I used to think of confession in the context of the church disciplines, I thought of prayer every time. Where you remember all the sins you have committed that you are ashamed of and lay them at the feet of the One who forgives us and wipes us clean of these sins. This week I was pleasantly surprised to realize that it is more than that. Confession can also be a communal discipline. Thus, if I feel some sin weighing heavily on my heart and I approach a fellow Christian whom I can confide in and have a relationship with and I tell them, this too is confession.

    This can be difficult for people for fear of being judged. However that is not completely bad because it reminds us that we are sinners and that we have much to improve. It is difficult to be looked down upon and it can sometimes push us away from the church. The question is, should it? As a church we are called to love. Yet, we fail, all the time. There is no doubt that if you feel judged by the church even after you have repented of your sin that they are wrong for doing so. However it can serve as a reminder of how serious sin is and how it makes us look bad. This should push us to work harder to be more like Christ so that they do not have much to judge us on instead of pushing us away from God or the church. I know this is not easy... I have been judged and... it really hurts. Yet, I am reminded that God does look down upon sin, it is not a laughing matter, it is extremely serious and Jesus died so that God can instead look upon me with love and unconditional forgiveness.

    Luckily this is a discipline which has come naturally to me over the years. I did not realize that I was actually practicing the discipline of confession when I spoke to my parents or my friends about certain sins and how I was struggling against them. God has blessed me with a very sensitive conscience, I feel a heavy sense of guilt that does not always go away when I pray, this is when is seek my parents or people who are close to me and tell them what I am feeling or going through. This has been extremely scary at times because I would much rather bury my sins, but until I have talked to someone about it I feel no peace. These are usually sins that can be avoided in the future if I have people keeping me accountable. So, when I admit my struggle I am also in a sense pleading with these people to help me so that I don't end up doing the same sin over again.

     Because I have been lucky enough to have people in my life who share my burdens I have decided that what I need to work on is becoming someone who people will feel free to come to if they need to confess. I want God to help me to see the world and the people around me the way he does. That no matter what someone has done I can look at them and make it clear that God forgives them. I want to be approachable, empathetic, loving and understanding. I want them to feel God's forgiveness through my actions.

With this is mind, last week I tried to seem approachable and not to judge others. Funny thing is, I actually had someone come to talk to me about something. I am not fully sure she was aware that she was doing so. I have a feeling that she did not realize that what she was doing was confessing. However, I listened and was able to let her know that not only did I understand but that I had made similar mistakes in the past. I felt like she immediately knew that she was okay and that she was loved. This was confirmed later this same week when she came to talk to me and pour out her heart yet a second time. After I had listened to her story and said a few things I had to sadly get going. At this moment she gave me a big hug and let me know that she was so happy she had friends like me who she could count on. This made me feel wonderful! Now more than ever I want to be sure that I continue to be approachable and used by God in this way!